Person at the store: "Aww, how old is your baby?"
Me: Blink. Blink. "Who? Um, I don't know. Oh him? Uh, I think he's older? Heavy. 3 months?"
Person at the store: "How many weeks, dear?"
Me: "How many weeks? What's a week? What day is it? Was that really snow outside? I thought it was summer???? I have to go."
I'm a bit sleep deprived of late. This post has been in the works for, oh, so long I forget how many times I've had to start over. As I type Samuel is fussing/yelling again in his bed, refusing naptime for the umpteenth time. I'm not sure at this point which of us needs him to sleep more.
I'll be right back...
...ok, he hates naps. That, or he hates me. But really, I think he just doesn't feel good, which is the worst of all options because I don't know how to fix that.
Samuel has had horrible reflux since he was born. As in, he sets records on how far across the room he can launch rejected breast milk. We use bath towels for burp rags. He sleeps in a special inclined bed and still soaks himself with spit up each night/nap. He has a hard time burping and a worse time pooping. His pediatrician isn't concerned because, clearly, he gains weight just fine. He just doesn't feel good.
After multiple elimination diets I know that if I eat dairy or soy of any kind he'll spend the next 24+ hours throwing up. I'm now on a gluten/soy/dairy free diet. I know, I'm that person. And, though his throwing up has improved (4-5 times a week instead of 4-5 times a day...), there are likely other culprits I haven't/can't identify. I err on the side of eating, because survival is my game plan at the moment. And really, it's not like any of us need the highly processed foods most often associated with the gluten/dairy/soy products (hmmm..connection?). So really, it's a good thing. Rightt??
He's huge. Like, really big. And heavy. I'm genuinely concerned about him catching up to his cousins in size, which would be awful, because their hand-me-downs are an incredible blessing. When he feels good (ie. right after he throws up, poops, or manages some sleep) he is a very happy, responsive, observant, charming little man with a big expressive personality. Learning to yell, for fun, is his new favorite thing - whether happy, sad, mad, or glad. Sounds like a little dinosaur. He rolled over by accident a few days ago and has been trying to figure that one out again ever since. So I'm limiting tummy time until he stops. Just kidding. But really, my baby actually IS growing up too fast.
That's all over now. Teething happened. Two teeth between 9 and 10 weeks old didn't go so well for sleep (or nursing for that matter - ouch!). Napping suffered, as did night sleep, but we were okay. I looked forward to the 12 week mark when my sleep book assured me he'd begin to self soothe much better.
Ha. Ha ha.
Joke's on me. Literally the day he turned 12 weeks old he stopped napping longer than apprx. 30 minutes at a time, waking up tired and screaming almost every time. So for the last four weeks we pretty much spend all day either trying to go to sleep, crying because we're too tired (both of us, yes), or just generally not feeling good.
I don't think I've slept more than 3 hours in a row more than 5-6 times since he was born. I can run on little sleep, but I'm hitting a wall. What's worse, as tired as I am, I have the hardest time falling asleep after getting up with him at night. (Sleep books call this being "over-tired." Yes. Yes, we are, thank you very much.) With his recent waking every 1-2 hours, I may have only just fallen asleep before he's up again. I mean, seriously, he slept longer as a newborn.
In the midst of all this, we also moved a couple weeks ago. AGAIN. To an identical unit one staircase over in the same apartment complex. Long story short, there were some major plumbing problems and subsequent mold issues. We'd been worried about the possibility since moving in, and finally found the long time leak. Geoff's allergies had been on high alert since moving here, and Samuel was so congested from birth that we were constantly cleaning out his nasal passages; at least once during each night just so he could breath again (which also didn't help his sleep...). So, that whole issue made this momma bear just a little upset. As a result, our place is in quite a disarray, which makes me even more on edge. BUT - Samuel is much less congested and Geoff isn't having to use his inhaler as much. So, ultimately, we're quite thankful we were able to move (and WAY thankful for his parents who came and helped - all those stairs - could NOT have done it without them).
Aside from the inconsolable crying, sleepless nights (and days), and moving boxes scattered about - we remain the most overwhelmed by just how amazing this little man is. I'm trying to focus on how small Samuel still is, rather than only on how big he's getting, lest I miss these precious moments. Samuel is increasingly responsive and when we get one of his hearty laughs or big smiles, it's all worth it.
Reyah agrees, and though the crying moments seem to concern her more than any, she loves her chances to get to know her new little friend. She is always there for a reassuring head wash, or a gentle nose to reassure this funny looking new puppy we brought home. She's a good "Nana."