Well. We're here. What a ride that 2016 was, huh?? So much so, that I completely forgot how to publish a blog.
I did not, however, forget to write. In fact, I have exactly 57 entries crowding the bench in my draft box. Which do not include the entries I wrote and straight up deleted.
You see, many were good, run of the mill, "What We've Been Up To" posts, that lacked perhaps a picture or two I wanted before sharing. But those got backlogged behind the other, oh, 50 or so "WHAT ARE WE DOING??" posts that I never quite figured how to - or whether to - edit the raw emotion and vulnerability from.
2016 was a big year. By many personal accounts, it was a GREAT year. But it was also the year we witnessed a unique depth of suffering, turmoil, confusion, and fear in the lives, and hearts, and eyes of many whose paths crossed ours throughout this world.
I set out often to record my reflections, inspirations, and frustrations about many of these moments. But I felt them too deeply. I processed them too insufficiently. I was lost time and time again in the avalanche of feeling and words so deeply felt that they rendered me speechless.
There is nothing new under the sun. But it burned me a little more this past year.
How do I share, for example, how it feels to have my 2 year old son of privilege blessed profusely in weeping prayers by a shelter-less Syrian refugee; she kisses and heaps blessings on him while holding her own suffering toddler whose ravaged eyes have already lost all spark of hope.
How do you accept such love, board a plane, and moments later find yourself drowning in the land of your birth to a chorus of people (Christians, family, friends) shouting from their seats of luxury, "keep the refuge out!" We give way to fear and become willing to condemn an entire people for the fear of few.
And the dichotomy renders me speechless yet again.
The internet is a funny thing, you see. I haven't posted since last MARCH, and yet have several hundred people scanning this site, for whatever reason, EVERY DAY. This is daunting.
Many are people I know, or have encountered in my wanderings on this earth.
Many are drawn by whatever keyword google search landed them here.
Some are people who love me more than I love myself. And they keep holding me up no matter where I roam, and whether or not I write, or rant, or fall down speechless and broken.
How do I write to a majority audience I do not know, about experiences so deeply felt I cannot fully process them myself?
I'll continue struggling with this, but I still hold out this notion that I will go back and postdate several moments from 2016 that deserve a permanent record. Moments I need to remember, now, and in the future. Like what a celebration we had for my precious son's second birthday; or what joy it was leading several incredible groups to follow in the literal footsteps of Jesus and the disciples in Israel, Turkey, and Greece.
I will hopefully record more of 2016, even as we move forward into this new year. But whether I reflect on what has happened or on what is to come, I am hopeful to renew my writing here this year. Because there are too many stories that need to be heard, too many people that need to be celebrated, and too many moments that need to be lived over and over again.
Here's to 2017.
May it be the year we love bigger, bolder, and brighter for all the world to see. One moment at a time.